New experience of life

Once a close college classmate commented,"you don't understand girls". Yes, she is right. After distancing females so many years when is someone's most important growth period, what I know about the generality of woman is indeed very less. As to behaviors of most girls around, I don't know them and also have no interest at all.

These days, I become a little bit "civilized" for my love experience of a short period. I have felt and been told some typical female psychology and moves, which enhances my previously short understanding of girls throughout the growing time since I was always standing in the distance to watch them or reading them on paper.

Apart from the above, I get to know something more about a cultural adult's sufference for their wits' temporary ending during social life which I could not believe before as a college student. I took it for granted that if someone suffers for that, that's because they are incapable.

Looking back, I am now not sure if my past opinion is wrong or my present standard is too low. But, as an experience, it's an important feeling I should cherish. After all, it's all about life.

Hug perspective tomorrow by looking back

I expect of liberation, liberation of mind and moves.

I don't know when I lose my thorny tempered personality. A year ago while I was a college student, was not I a liberal with the right and nerve to criticize everything or people as I think they are somewhere unproper? At that time, I lonely enjoyed the pleasure of such memorable free speech and exertion of sufficiency, with no any realistic restrictions. I did not need to care about others' criticism or isolation. Following my heart, I once was so much a cool hedonist though miserable in my heart.

But, now how much have I changed？ What growth brings to me is not just my barely rising to the occasions, but also loss of some of my simple nature and richful ideal mind. I don't know whether it deserves or not. I am not sure if I make progress on my way of life. What I am clear of is I should be a follower with the ongoing time and life. I will not be a lamster by the principle of time and space. It's inevitable for everyone to move forward. I am not an exceptional. But I am wondering if I can make some differences which is what I aim at and boost as a dream since my college.

Comparing to the past, I have changed a lot, including my age, state of mind and status. I am a year older and become a little bit polished. I have experienced the bittersweet two people's world while I was not as hot in my heart as others. However, there are something of my inner self that does not change at all. I still perform as a lonely soul though I am not the single one. And I still embraces my past dream and belief I have never given up.

My present life disappoints me. I am yearning for getting out of the boundaries which restricts too much of my behaviors and imprisons me to breath fresh air. I am thirsty for some relief and satisfaction which may be like the firey coal in the cold winter warming my icey body and heart, and like the spring breeze conveying the pleasing information. It's time to break the oppresive states. I will try in a bigger stance.

Review of the Wenchuan earthquake

I once thought I was strong enough to bear the heartbreaking occasions after many suffering experiences. But I was wrong. Facing the catastrophic tragedy and scenes,I could not help standing it but crying. I cried for the lost lives and the dead city which was once vital, for the moving noble stories coming out at the moment of the natural attack.

Great Man, creating the wonderful land with wisdom and perspiration, in the moment appeared to be so helpless and powerless. Except the usual superficial control and application of the resourses around, it fell head down to the nature with so many lives lost in a moment and once beautiful living land destroyed.

Today is a just year since that destructive day. Now, a lot of people are using their differnent ways to remember the eventful day, mourn for the lost or show sympathy and bring light to the survival of that fatal calamity. I am one of those people. I am writing here for the miserable memories and grievous sufferance.

One indispensable and inevitable part of life should be to taste the bitterness about others or ourselves. After experiencing it, except for some heart darkened ghosts or perverts, most people will understand more about themselves and life. They will not only cherish the moments of their being alive, they will aso be glad and generous to bring attentiveness and light to others, especially those on sufferance.

Don't trust someone who can not dare to see you in your eyes.

Sometimes, people get together for understanding each other, while they part with each other mainly for further understanding. Though the result is disgusting, it's a reasonable and inevitable ending.

We need something comforting. To some acquaintances of us, We will start to respect them or more if we hear their private stories of noble spirit. And then possibly we will show positive response and lean closely from heart to them. However, some time later, we disappointingly and slowly find out the background for believing them is precarious. We start to suspect. We suspect of the stories we have been told and compare them to what we have seen and heard about them. Finally and shockingly, we realize more and more clearly that we have been "comforted or even pleased" by some well compiled fake stories, and for which we even disclosed many of our own experiences not safe to tell others.

What will we do for the relationship built-up? In my mind, to any rational and upright people with no deep personal involvement with such a liar, it's right to abandon the superficially pleasing past with him. We can not trust someone who cheated us with good sounding scam from scatch. Otherwise, we are to risk our basic principle and (further) private secrecy. After going through such cases, our heart may become a little bit hardened. The vualuable experience we can and should learn is to be prudent at someone with noble stories and show your respect after you make sure the stories are true. Cheers to those realizing the fact to be cheated and pity for those losing their own "true stories and private views". Alas.

Stuff about one of my old classmate

Personally, I am not an easy going man. To some peers around me,especially those I acquainted with before graduation, chances are I will bawl at them if their words or behaviors seem unproper in my eyes. Or sometimes, I will become silent suddenly before them to show my disagreement and uncooperation with them. But to me, those people mean something. That's why I behave like that. Though my such attitude in some way embarrass them or get them hurt, I believe what I do is good for them. So I barely regret about what I have done.

Since I got out of college, I feel less and less people could be deemed as friends. Psychologically, I refuse to make new ones. Most people around nowadays are diappointing for their low taste and poor lifestyle though possibly I disappoint them too. Sometimes, I am more prone to missing the old friends and the times with them. I still remember the words in the books of a famous writer I adore very much which reads No filling up for lost old friends and making new friends. Those words just fit me and my true state of mind.

I yearn for my old friends and more especially while I feel disappointed with the new neighboring acquaintances. To them, I have also never stopped caring about their present situation. Those days, the outcome for the Graduate Entrence Examination was publicized. I could not help connecting with one of my high school classmates who is one of the closet friends to me. Alas, his marks are not high enough though still has some chance to attend the interview test. But, his prospect is far less optimistic. That's what I worry about most for him.

He once cheated one examination and caught at the scene. Pitifully, he paid serious price for that and was deprived of the graduation credential, which is a heavy blow for any of us colleage students. It has directly influenced his employment and future. He has tried hard to get our of the shame and compensate the qualification loss through passing the GEE. But he lacked of luck. His paper test turned out to be not ideal. And now he should face up to another significant pressure which is thrown on his back by his family.

In the countryside, most families are burdenful. His family is just one of them. Economical consideration plus the traditional concept that it's the right choice for an adult to marry but to study, he was requested by his parents to abort further education and convert to work and make up his own family. He is an obedient son and cares about his parents very much. But to give up his present dream is really suffering and cruel. It's hard to make the decision. Standing in the crossroads, which way to choose is a question. But it will be a very tough one.

On this point, it's not proper for anyone else to give him some fine suggestions to help. As a friend, beside some simple things I can offer, I just hope he will have his right choice and everything goes well in the coming days.

A sad day-yesterday 2

For some grammar issues, I tried to confirm them with my appreciating classmate. She had solid background while at college and now is a teacher at a famous training center. Her grammar is certainly much better than mine. She really provided me with very convincing instructions on them. Thanks to her.

Later, she shared one disappointing news that one college teacher familiar to both of us will divorce her husband. It's shocking. Though I lost contact with her after I graduated from college, I have never stopped paying attention to her. She is such charming womman who esily impresses me. She is amiable, strict and sometimes serious. In my mind, she is a qualified teacher with her own persistance of basics and enough knowledge to influence her students. I respect her and totally understand her teaching manner though which sometimes is dissatisfying some poor self righterous students.

Those past days I learned from her are still in my mind. She not only infused me with a lot of useful English knowledge, but also provided me with a lot of chances to test my meself. To implement her research for her doctor degree, I was enquired to help. That's what I was very glad to do. I once told her I was in some way an idealist and would do something for people I respect without realistic carings. I performed just that for her. My appreciation and devotion toward her long surpassed normal respect.

After graduation, I came to my dream city-Shanghai directly and silently. I once tried to forget the past colleage acquaintances. To me, they were just temperary passers-by. When it's time to part with each other, it's no use to fight the trend. The fact is I forgot most. But, to some who once left me deep impressions in my higher education period, I still bear them in my mind. The teacher is one of them. I memorise this attrative teacher, feel the same way toward her unfortunate marriage. Good luck to her.

A sad day-yesterday 1

At noon, I received a phone call from my intimate middle school teacher who now is a graduate at one of the famous universities. He is handsome, learned and with pleasant personality. However, that's not the whole picture why he is so popular in his colleagues and students. To me and others familiar with him, we are more impressed by his young state of mind and graceful behaviors before his intelligence, goodness and responsibility to the society.

His teaching career has been about 20 years since the start of his 19 years old. And during the 20 years, he has helped a lot of people, students and his acquaitances who need help. As one of those people, I am thankful to him, not just because of the knowledge he has implanted to me, but more importantly the excellent spritual merits he impresses us. These 20 years, he has never stopped to follow his heart with no any temporal consideration toward his students and his caring people. For them, he has devoted all his time, energy, knowledge and money and almost everything he can give out. It's noble experience and he is honorable though he just works in a middle school.

20 years past, a lot of things have changed. Among them, there is his age. He has been young and at his prime. But now, that is inexistent any more, though some people still think he is youthful from his appearance. He is always optimistic and good at conforting others. But in his inner heart, he is pessimistic and painful. I think he does have his good expectations for his future though he reasonally knows that's too hard for himself and also reliable others. He is sad. But he normally will press down such moods with his thoughtful wisdom. These days, he was sad after he accidentally glimpsed the age restriction for him to apply for the teacher positions in public middle schools in Hangzhou. He was hurt seriously. His worry toward his age was doubled for that.

He is miserable. And the pressure he bears is depriving of his forbearance and confidence.I sympathise for him. I want to do something. ButI can not. I could just wish, and wish him to graduate soon and his coming road is smooth.